


Wolf Pendant

by HugeSpnFan



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M, Necklaces
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-25
Updated: 2019-01-25
Packaged: 2019-10-16 05:55:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17543981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HugeSpnFan/pseuds/HugeSpnFan
Summary: Prompt: Describe an important item from your childhood. Why was it important and where is it now?





	Wolf Pendant

**Author's Note:**

> So while I was Googling a date for this, I discovered The Shoebox Project for this pairing. WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME ABOUT THIS?! MY HEART! lol. If you haven't heard of it, look for it.

**April, 1981 (Months Before the Death of James and Lily Potter)**

Sirius looked at the man sitting next to him and couldn’t help but smile. James was playing with Harry, tossing him in the air and catching him while Lily was shouting threats about what she would do to James if Harry was injured. But Sirius’ eyes were on Remus who was watching James and Lily with a smirk and admiration filled eyes. Sirius put his hands in the pockets of his leather jackets and watched as Remus’ hands lingered at his own chest, fiddling with the long necklace he had worn since their second year at Hogwarts. Sirius couldn’t stop staring at it. Sometimes he forgot Remus even had the necklace, but he was certain Remus never took it off. It’s meaning had extended beyond what either man could put into words. It was symbolic of their friendship and everything they’ve overcome.

~~~~~~~~

**December, 1972 (The Marauder's 2nd Year)**

Sirius and Remus were sitting around the fireplace drinking fire whiskey. James and Peter had gone to bed about an hour ago desperate to be awake for breakfast the next morning, but Sirius wasn’t ready for the night to end and Remus decided he was going to make sure Sirius didn’t give himself alcohol poisoning. They had been chatting amicably when Sirius froze and looked at a nearly sober Remus and laughed. “Come on Remus. You really expect us to believe you happen to get sick exactly once a month?” Sirius asked with a smirk. He was being arrogant about this; he knew it. James wanted to discuss this when they were sober and with tact, but Sirius had already started this and James wasn’t here, so he might as well continue.

He was shocked when Remus shouted, “Yes! Because that’s exactly what happens!” Tears welled up in his eyes. He was nearly hysteric. Remus wasn’t sure if this would be considered fight or flight, perhaps unconditional denial was a better term.

His demeanor sobered Sirius up in an instant. He could see that Remus was in distress, but he couldn’t understand why. The question seemed so random and like an attack to Remus, but it wasn’t to Sirius. He had been thinking about this particular topic for days now. They were friends. Why couldn’t he trust them? Why was he so upset? “Woah, Remus. What’s wrong? There’s no need to shout or look so afraid for that matter. It’s not like I’m going to hurt you.”

“Nothing’s wrong! I just… Look, I don’t want to be sick every month. It just happens.”

Sirius stared at Remus, shocked. Remus was still lying, despite the fact that his secret was clearly discovered, It was so… desperate, as if this lie was the only thing keeping Remus from drowning. Sirius tried to understand why this lie would mean so much to Remus but he couldn’t and he didn’t think that was due to the alcohol. “Why are you lying, Remus? I thought we were friends. Don’t you trust me?” He knew he sounded pathetic. He was trying to get Remus to confide in him not feel sorry for him, but he was hurt by the distrust and it showed.

“Of course, we’re friends.” Remus paused, staring pensively into the fire. “That’s why I can’t tell you… You’d hate me. All of you. I- I can’t watch you hate me. Especially you.” He turned and looked Sirius in the eyes with more pain and angst in his own than even a 12 year old should have.

Sirius just stared back at his friend, bewildered. “We could never hate you Remus. I could never hate you. What you’re hiding, we already know. You’re our friend. You’ve been a werewolf for at least as long as we’ve known you. How would us knowing something that has been true the entire time we’ve known you change anything?”

“You know? You really know?”

“Yeah, and it doesn’t change anything.” The conviction in Sirius’ voice was convincing but more so, it was comforting and terrifying. Remus had always been taught that he would have to hide his secret forever, that no one could ever know what he was because they would hate him and be afraid of him and that hatred and fear lead to violence.

“I- I don’t understand. Aren’t you afraid?”

“Afraid of what? You? Remus, you are the kindest person I have ever met. You make all of us feel better when we are down and go out of your way to help us even when we aren’t. You mean more to me than one night a month could possibly ruin. Wait here.” With that Sirius jumped up from his spot on the floor and ran upstairs into the dorm. He began looting through his chest. After finding the item he was searching for, he ran back downstairs careful not to be too loud and awaken his other friends.

“Sirius what-” Sirius thrust the item into his hands. Remus turned it over and was presented with a hand-carved, wooden silhouette of a wolf acting a pendant strung on a thin leather cord. “Sirius, did you make this?”

Sirius blushed and looked down embarrassed. “Yeah. I mean, I get it if you don’t want to you know, wear it, but no one would connect it to you know… They wouldn’t know what it means”

“What does it mean, Sirius?”

“That you’re my friend. No matter what stage the moon is in. You’ll always be my friend.”

Rather than say anything, Remus wrapped his arms around the boy. His friend. Three years ago he never could have imagined what it would be like to even have a friend, and now he had three.

~~~~~~~~

**November 1, 1981 (The Day After James and Lily’s Death)**

He couldn’t believe it. It couldn’t be true. James and Lily were gone. Harry was an orphan. They are saying that Sirius did this, that he gave up their secret. Remus knows it’s the only thing that makes sense, but… This was Sirius they were talking about. He would never… But, he- he killed Peter. Remus felt sick. All of his friends… He lost all of his friends. Everyone he cared about. Sirius had given him everything he wanted that night by the fireplace; comfort, acceptance, support, and friendship, and he took it all away. He killed innocent people, people Remus cared about. What had any of them done? Tears streamed down Remus’ face. His chest hurt so bad he thought he was having a heart attack. It hurt to breathe. He leaned against the wall for support. The only thing he could do was rip the necklace across his head and chuck it into the dark abyss of his apartment. He slid down the wall crying and remained there for hours.

~~~~~~~~

**1993 (Harry’s 3rd Year at Hogwarts)**

Since that day, Remus had kept to himself. Rather than live, he survived. He had become used to the numbness of it all. Dumbledore had offered him a purpose, a lifeline, by giving him this job. He just hadn’t anticipated how much it would hurt to see Harry, to see the halls he and his friends spent their glory days in. Everywhere he looked there were reminders of what he lost. The most painful of which lies in the drawer of his desk, hidden. He tried to throw the necklace away, to dispose of it, but he couldn’t bring himself to. It hurt too much.

When he saw Peter’s name on the map, it didn’t make sense, and yet it did. Peter betrayed them, not Sirius. Sirius didn’t kill James and Lily. Bile rose in his throat. Guilt was the only distinguishable emotion he had. He should have trusted Sirius. Why didn’t Remus give his best friend the benefit of the doubt? Sirius had spent 12 years in Azkaban because no one believed him.

He went to the desk, opened the drawer and looked at the small carved wolf sitting on a pile of papers. He carefully picked it up and hung it around his neck for the first time in years. It felt as if he was breaking open. The pain he had buried over a decade ago resurfaced, this time accompanied by even more overwhelming guilt. Sirius would never betray them, but Remus had betrayed him. He never should have given up on Sirius.

Later, when he finally saw Sirius, both relief and guilt washed over him. He looked so different, so… broken, but he was alive, and he wasn’t a traitor. He was still Remus’ friend. Remus smirked and said, “Finally the flesh reflects the madness within.”

“Well, you’d know all about the madness within wouldn’t you, Remus.” Remus raised his eyebrow and lowered his wand, a smile spreading across his face. Sirius was really making a werewolf joke at a time like this. Remus felt lighter. This was Sirius, the same one he grew up with, despite the ways Azkaban had changed him. Remus smirked and grabbed Sirius’ hand, hauling him to a standing position.

When Sirius immediately hugged him, Remus felt at home. He had Sirius. Sirius was back. “You’re wearing the necklace. You weren’t wearing it before.”

“I know. I should have trusted you, Sirius.”

“You believe me now. That’s enough.”

Unfortunately, their reunion was short-lived, but once it was all over Remus could rest knowing Sirius was innocent and alive and alright. Remus didn’t take the necklace off again.

~~~~~~~~

**June 1996 (Harry’s 5th Year at Hogwarts)**

There was no funeral. There was no body. Maybe it would have been easier if there had been. He was broken all over again. Every time Remus falls asleep he relives it, holding Harry back while his best friend falls into the veil.

All he had left was the necklace, the one that symbolized their friendship, but their friendship was over. Sirius was dead. It felt wrong to wear it while he was gone.

The next time Remus was in Grimmauld Place was for an Order meeting, but he was early. He went into Sirius’ room. It looked exactly as Remus would expect it to have looked when they were children, filled with muggle relics and posters. Remus wandered around the room admiring its contents. He couldn’t bring himself to touch or move anything. He opened the closet and saw the leather jacket Sirius wore before being sent to Azkaban, the one he wore to parties and to the bar when the Marauders would go out for a drink. They may not have a body, but to Remus, this was as good as one. He took the jacket out of the closet and held it for a while. Eventually, he slipped the necklace into the pocket of the jacket and hung it back up in the closet.


End file.
